1. He drew it all himself
Teacher: Who helped you to draw this map, Jack?
Jack: Nobody, sir.
Teacher: Didn’t your brother help you?
Jack: No, sir. He drew it all himseil.
2. Beggar
Why do you beg?”
“The truth is I beg to get money for booze (drink).”
“Why do you drink?”
“To give me the courage to beg”.
3. A matter of punctuation
An English professior wrote the words, “Woman withour her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
4. What a woman!!!
Three blonde guys are stranded on one side of a wide river and don’t know how to get across.
The first blonde guy prays to God to make him smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God turns hom into a brown-haired man, and he swam across.
The second blonde guy prays to God to make him even smarter, so he can think of a better way to cross the river. God turns him into a red-haired man, so he builded a boat and rows across.
5. Most wanted
Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their locl police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men. One of the kids poined to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
So, Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
6. Went out in my slippers
Len and Jim worked for the same company. One day, Len lent Jim 20 dollars, but then Jim left his job and went to work in another town without paying Len back his 20 dollars.
Len did not see Jim for a year, and then he heard from another friend that Jim was in town and staying at the central hotel, so he went to see him there late in the evening.
He found out the number of Jim’s room from the clerk at the desk downstairs and went up to find him. When he got to the room, he saw Jim’s shoes outside the door, waiting to be cleaned.
“Well, he must be in,” he thought, and knocked at the door.
There was no answer.
He knocked again. Then he said,
“I know you’re in, Jim. Your shoes are out here’.
“I went out in my slippers,” answered a voice from inside the room.
7. Gifts for mother
Hree sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first son said: “I built a big house for our mother”
The second son said: “I sent Mom a Mercedes with a driver”.
The third son said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. The Elders at the church spent twelve years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and the verse and the parrot recites it”.
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.
“William,” she wrote, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house”.
“Arnold, she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. That driver is so rude, he is a pain!”
“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious”
8. Mistake?
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if she could see her license. She replied in a huff.
“ I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
Teacher: Who helped you to draw this map, Jack?
Jack: Nobody, sir.
Teacher: Didn’t your brother help you?
Jack: No, sir. He drew it all himseil.
2. Beggar
Why do you beg?”
“The truth is I beg to get money for booze (drink).”
“Why do you drink?”
“To give me the courage to beg”.
3. A matter of punctuation
An English professior wrote the words, “Woman withour her man is nothing” on the blackboard and directed his students to punctuate it correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
4. What a woman!!!
Three blonde guys are stranded on one side of a wide river and don’t know how to get across.
The first blonde guy prays to God to make him smart enough to think of a way to cross the river. God turns hom into a brown-haired man, and he swam across.
The second blonde guy prays to God to make him even smarter, so he can think of a better way to cross the river. God turns him into a red-haired man, so he builded a boat and rows across.
5. Most wanted
Little Johnny’s kindergarden class was on a field trip to their locl police station where they saw pictures, tacked to a bulletin board, of the 10 Most Wanted men. One of the kids poined to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
“Yes,” said the policeman. “The detectives want him very badly.”
So, Little Johnny asked, “Why didn’t you keep him when you took his picture?”
6. Went out in my slippers
Len and Jim worked for the same company. One day, Len lent Jim 20 dollars, but then Jim left his job and went to work in another town without paying Len back his 20 dollars.
Len did not see Jim for a year, and then he heard from another friend that Jim was in town and staying at the central hotel, so he went to see him there late in the evening.
He found out the number of Jim’s room from the clerk at the desk downstairs and went up to find him. When he got to the room, he saw Jim’s shoes outside the door, waiting to be cleaned.
“Well, he must be in,” he thought, and knocked at the door.
There was no answer.
He knocked again. Then he said,
“I know you’re in, Jim. Your shoes are out here’.
“I went out in my slippers,” answered a voice from inside the room.
7. Gifts for mother
Hree sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother.
The first son said: “I built a big house for our mother”
The second son said: “I sent Mom a Mercedes with a driver”.
The third son said: “You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can’t see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. The Elders at the church spent twelve years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and the verse and the parrot recites it”.
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks.
“William,” she wrote, “the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house”.
“Arnold, she said, “I am too old to travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. That driver is so rude, he is a pain!”
“But David,” she said, “the chicken was delicious”
8. Mistake?
A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if she could see her license. She replied in a huff.
“ I wish you guys could get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you.”
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